Embarrassing

Every week­day morn­ing, I take The Boy to the day­care. I sign him in, he gives me a kiss and a hug, then he runs off to his room. 

UNTIL TODAY.

As I was sign­ing him in, he ran off to his room. I walked to the door­way, because he knows he has to give me my love. When he saw me, he grinned and gig­gled, came out of the room, and led me around the cor­ner to the stair­well. THEN he gave me my hug and kiss. I asked him, “Oh, so now you’re embar­rassed to give me love?” 

His answer: “YEP!” Then he gig­gled and ran back into the room. I heard a younger boy ask him, “Did you give her a hug?” The Boy replied, “NO!”

I laughed to myself. But I’m feel­ing mixed emo­tions about it. My feel­ings aren’t hurt. I know with­out a doubt that The Boy loves his Momma. It’s just that this is another sign that he is matur­ing. I really didn’t expect him to get embar­rassed for another year, at the least. Guess things always hap­pen when you least expect them.

I want him to grow up well, but I still want him to be my baby. I guess I’ll have to set­tle for him being my baby in pri­vate, and a grow­ing young man in pub­lic.

Moth­er­hood is full of tiny, lit­tle heart­breaks!

Boy’s home, School is starting.

The boy has been home for less than a week, and I am amazed at how dif­fer­ent life is when he’s not here.  He is truly the LIFE in our home.  Every­things seems so much bet­ter and brighter with him bounc­ing around, smil­ing and act­ing silly.  I find that I’m more patient with him now.  I heartily rec­om­mend that every mom take a break from her child, if you can.  Those 5 days were ago­niz­ing, but obvi­ously I needed them. 

I was so happy to have him home, I just kept star­ing at him.  I swear he grew another inch.  I noticed that he was a lit­tle more inde­pen­dent and self-sufficient, which is a WONDERFUL thing.  He’s not the kind of kid that will answer twenty ques­tions, so I have to let him slowly tell me about his expe­ri­ence.  He made sure to tell me that he did what I said:  Since he’s a picky eater, I told him that he couldn’t be picky at camp, and to eat what they gave him.  He proudly told me that he ate steak AND ham­burg­ers. (He doesn’t eat much red meat.)  I told him I was proud of him and asked him if I could now make those things for him at home. I got a prompt “NO!”  He said, “I only ate those things because you told me to!”  At least he’s obe­di­ent. While wash­ing his hair on Sun­day night, I learned that he took ONE shower the whole week, and it did not include soap. I told him he was a dirt­ball, and he replied, “Mommy! Boys ARE dirt­balls!!”  How quickly they learn.  smh.

When I opened his suitcase…good LAWD…the SMELL!  Dirty socks, damp towel, wet wash­cloth, dirty clothes.….I had to wash that mess IMMEDIATELY.  He came home WITHOUT his san­dals. I couldn’t be mad at him. It was his first time away from home.    Other than that, every­thing went well. 

Today we’re going to his new school for ori­en­ta­tion.  His first day is August 3, less than a week from now.  But he’s excited and so am I.  We picked up his uni­forms on Sat­ur­day.  He has a blazer that he has to wear, begin­ning in Octo­ber.  He was really excited about that!  He told me, “Mommy, I’m gonna look like Mr. Moseby!”  (If you don’t know what that means, you are Dis­ney defi­cient and I sen­tence you to a night of watch­ing “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”.  IMMEDIATELY! 

I am done with MY school ori­en­ta­tion. Classes start August 26.  I’m ready for it to start NOW. 

I’m still teach­ing youth Bible study on Wedne­day nights.  I have a small, but ded­i­cated group of kids. They lis­ten, think and ask intel­li­gent ques­tions. Every week, we talk about what the Gospel is, and lately we’ve been talk­ing about how to LIVE it. I can tell they’re GETTING it. God is good! 

I keep read­ing a lot of  “sin­gle mom” blogs.  I love them. One thing I see is that a lot of them talk about dat­ing.  They make me feel weird, because I have ZERO inter­est in dat­ing.  Maybe men have got­ten on my nerves one too many times, or maybe I just have too many other things to think about, but I just have no desire to cul­ti­vate a rela­tion­ship now or in the forsee­able future.  I like my life the way it is. Well, I could stand to get out and do more, but oth­er­wise, I’m cool.  Don’t get me wrong: I occa­sion­ally have moments when I would like male com­pan­ion­ship, but it never gets to the point that I want it enough to do some­thing about it.  The feel­ing passes and I keep it mov­ing. 

I kinda like it this way though. I have wasted so much time in my life think­ing about men and rela­tion­ships. It’s a relief not to be dwelling on it now.  My focus now is on three things: Living a life pleas­ing to God, rais­ing my son to live the same way, and going to school.  I think that those things keep my plate pretty full.

Things I need to do:  Write out my thoughts on “The Pur­suit of Holi­ness” and “Know­ing God”.  Keep focused on the Lord and trust­ing him to pro­vide for me, no mat­ter what my cir­cum­stances look like..and finan­cially, they are look­ing PRETTY BAD right now..but I think I see a light at the end of the tun­nel. Get myself men­tally pre­pared to dive into the world of being a col­lege stu­dent.  Tak­ing notes, writ­ing papers, doing assign­ments.  Yeah…Pray for me!

Bye, Mom!

Bye, Mom!, orig­i­nally uploaded by MsRikki.

He was eager to explore his sur­round­ings, so he gave me a half-hug and ran off. I yelled for him to turn around so that I could get his pic­ture, and this is what he did.

You would think that he’d feel a LITTLE sad that he was leav­ing his mother for the FIRST time..for a WHOLE week. But no. He shot me the peace signs and said, “Bye Mom! I’m going into my HOUSE!” (refer­ring to the cabin)

I sup­pose this means I’ve done a good job of encour­ag­ing him to be inde­pen­dent.

I need to encour­age myself to be inde­pen­dent from HIM.

I do enjoy the peace and quiet.…..but I am look­ing for­ward to Fri­day.

This is one LONG week!

Stand Out — Tye Tribbett & G.A.

speak­ing: Tye Trib­bett]
When the enemy comes in like a flood,
The spirit of the Lord will raise up a stan­dard against him.
I see the enemy com­ing in like a flood in our houses, in our churches, in our fam­i­lies.
But what I don’t see is the stan­dard. Peo­ple of God where’s the stan­dard at?
We in a war y’all. It’s time to stand OUT!

[G.A.:]
It’s about to go down. The bat­tle has begun.
It’s time for you to choose, whose side you gonna be on.
The devil is recruit­ing, temptin’ every man.
But he’s already defeated, all we have to do is stand.
No time for mix­ing light with the dark­ness.
Be black or be white, no more shades of gray.
Be sep­a­rated, be holy, no mat­ter what you do, don’t bow.
And even if you stand alone, stand any­how.

[CHORUS]

[Tye:] Rise up!

[G.A.:]
Rise up peo­ple, put on your strength.
There’s a war going on and we will win.
Stand up and fight, let the king­dom pre­vail.
With power and might, we will stand out.

Stand out!
[G.A.:] Stand out!
Be not con­formed to this world.
[G.A.:] Stand out!
Be trans­formed, renew your mind.
[G.A.:] Stand out!
Just like the three Hebrew boys,
[G.A.:] Stand out!

[G.A.:]
God is playin’ it cool, don’t wanna rub nobody the wrong way.
Almost like we’re try­ing to fit in. Act­ing like we don’t know the name.
It’s time for us to stand out and go against the grain.
For­get tryin’ to be down, let the world know you’ve been changed.
How you gonna be the praise leader? But you lis­ten to R & B?
And hip-hop is on your ring­tone. I’m trynna tell you God ain’t pleased.
And since when did it become cool for you to live together unmar­ried?
Men with men?
Women with women?
I’m tellin you God ain’t gon’ have it.

[CHORUS]

[Tye:]
It’s time to rec­og­nize.
The war it’s in dis­guise.
No time for com­pro­mise.
Wake up open your eyes.
[together:] The devil is a LIE!
You must be hot or cold.
You can’t blend in the crowd.
It’s time for God’s peo­ple ta -

[CHORUS]

[Tye:]
Let me hear your war cry!

[G.A.:]
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

[Tye:]
Let me hear your war cry!

[G.A.:]
Ooh! (Let’s Stand Out!) Ooh! (Let’s Stand Out!) Ooh!

[Tye:]
Lit­tle bit louder.
[G.A.:]
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

[Tye:]
One more time!

[G.A.:]
Ooh! (Cry out loud!) Ooh! (Stand out!) Ooh!

STAND OUT!

[Speak­ing: Tye Trib­bett]
We in a war peo­ple of God.
You don’t have to fight, all you gotta do is stand.
Make some noise G.A.!
Hav­ing done all to stand…
Now stand peo­ple of God!
If you gonna stand out with us… SCREAM!

For Every Mountain — Kurt Carr

I’ve got so much to thank God for
So many won­der­ful bless­ings
and so many open doors
A brand new mercy
along with each new day
That’s why I praise You
and for this I give You praise

For wak­ing me up this morn­ing
That’s why I praise You
For start­ing me on my way
That’s why I praise You
For let­ting me see the sun­shine
that’s why I praise You
of a brand new day
A brand new mercy
along with each new day
That’s why I praise You and for this
I give You praise

You’re Jeho­vah Jhireh
That’s why I praise You
You’ve been my Provider
That’s why I praise You
You see so many times You´ve met my needs
So many times You res­cued me
That’s why I praise You
I want to thank You for the bless­ing
You give to me each day
That’s why I praise You
For this I give You praise

For every moun­tain You brought me over
For every trial you’ve seen me through
For every bless­ing
Hal­lelu­jah, for this I give You praise

More Than Enough — Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

Jeho­vah Jireh, my provider
You are more than enough for me.
Jeho­vah Rapha, you’re my healer
By your stripes, I have been set free
Jeho­vah Shammah, You are with me
You sup­ply all my needs.

You are more than enough
More than enough
More than enough for me.

For The Good of Them — Rev. Milton Brunson

Cur­rent Mood: Cool

Feat. Kim McFarland-Anderson

The race is not given, to the swift nor to the strong,
but to the one that endures, until the end,
There’ll be prob­lems, and some­times you walk alone, but I know,
that I know that I know, It will work out, yes it will for the good of them

For the good of them
For the good of them
For the good of them
Who loves the Lord

Eyes have not seen, and nei­ther have ears heard,
the things that God has pre­pared for them that love Him
Some­times, you may have to cry,
And some­times, You may have to may have to walk alone
But I know, that I know, that I know,
Things will work out, yes they will, For the good of them 

For the good of them
For the good of them
For the good of them
Who loves the Lord

No mat­ter what the prob­lem,
You can’t solve them
They will come, but don’t, you worry.
It will work out for the good of them who love the Lord

What’s going on?

Cur­rent Mood: Happy

Every time I make up my mind to write on a reg­u­lar basis, I allow things to get to me to the point that I have no desire to write. I for­get that writ­ing is my chance to let things go, instead of let­ting them weigh on me all the time. So, I’m try­ing to shake it off and get to writ­ing. On top of that, I can’t find a word­press theme that I like…and I don’t have the time or the incli­na­tion to try to make one up on my own!

So what’s been going on with me?

Read­ing: I’m still read­ing Know­ing God and The Pur­suit of Holi­ness. I just haven’t writ­ten out my thoughts. It’s com­ing.

Work: Same ole, same ole. My job is pretty low stress and pretty bor­ing. Not com­plain­ing though. I’ve worked a stress­ful job. It was more money, but not worth me being stressed out.

School: This month, ori­en­ta­tion started. I’ll be going to Geneva College’s Cen­ter for Urban Bib­li­cal Min­istry. I’ll earn an A.A. in Chris­t­ian Min­istry. I plan to get a Bachelor’s after that, but I’m not sure in what. Baby steps here. School doesn’t offi­cially start until the end of August. I’m ready for it to begin!

Home: When I moved in Feb­ru­ary, I knew it would be rough finan­cially. And it has been tougher than I imag­ined. I can see some light at the end of the tun­nel, though. God is my provider, and He is faith­ful. I LOVE my home and I don’t regret mov­ing at all.

The Boy: He’s a won­der­ful child. He’ll be going away to camp for a week, start­ing Sun­day. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. He’s antic­i­pat­ing it, though…even count­ing down. I’m glad he’s not afraid. That was my main con­cern. He did tell me that he needed me to give him a pic­ture of me to take with him, though. I’ll make sure he has it.

What am I going to do for a week by myself? I have to go to work. I have 2 more ses­sions of school ori­en­ta­tion, bible study to teach. My life will pretty much go on as nor­mal, except that I won’t be get­ting my daily hugs and kisses from my lit­tle dude, and I won’t hear “Mommy!” every 5 min­utes. LOL! It’ll be real quiet at home. I’m just gonna take the time to refresh myself. Watch some movies, do some read­ing, do some writ­ing, lis­ten to some music…all with no inter­rup­tions. Yeah..that’s it.

Encourage Yourself — Donald Lawrence

(feat. Sheri Jones-Moffett)

Some­times you have to encour­age your­self.
Some­times you have to speak vic­tory dur­ing the test.
And no mat­ter how you feel,
speak the word and you will be healed;
speak over your­self,
encour­age your­self in the Lord. 

Some­times you have to speak the word over your­self,
the pres­sure is all around,
but God is present help.
The enemy cre­ated walls,
but remem­ber giants, they do fall;
speak over your­self,
encour­age your­self in the Lord. 

As I min­is­ter to you, oh I min­is­ter to myself,
life can hurt you so,
’til you feel there’s noth­ing left.
No mat­ter how you feel,
speak the word and you will be healed

Speak over your­self. [x4]

I’m encour­aged.
I’m encour­aged.
I’m encour­aged.
I’m encour­aged.

I’m encour­aged,
I’m encour­aged,
I’m encour­aged,
I’m encour­aged.

Speak over your­self,
encour­age your­self in the Lord