Life is boring. I feel like I’m just drifting along, and I really need to work that out. I need to find some meaning to the day to day activities. Work? Blah. Church? Blah. Friends? Blah? That’s pretty much why I haven’t been writing here lately. Every entry would be the same: Went to work today. Picked the boy up from daycare. Went home. Ate. Watched TV or played the Sims 2. Went to bed. Where’s the meaning?

Taking care of the boy is the one area where I find it. I consider him a gift from God. I know that God has basically given me a big job to do in raising the boy to know God and be a man that God can use. Even the small moments that I share with my son are filled with meaning for me. Sometimes he’ll catch me looking at him and smiling. He says,”Mommy, why are you smiling at me?” “Because,” I say, surprised that he caught me doing it, “you make me happy.” That answer is good enough for him, and brings a smile to his face. I can’t explain to him how proud I am of how he’s growing up. How the things that come out of his mouth not only make me laugh, but show me that I’m doing pretty good at this mommy thing. Not that we are by any means perfect…but it could be a LOT worse.

My strongest desire is to be able to be with him all of the time. I’d love to be able to be full of energy, meeting him when he gets off the school bus every day, rather than picking him up 2 hours later: tired, hungry, and thinking of the many other things I have to get done before bedtime. I never feel like I am doing enough with him and for him. But that, I think, is a classic Mommy feeling.

But then I remember that God knows what I’m going through, and He will give me just what I need to raise the boy properly. I may not be able to be a soccer mom, but I’m the perfect mom for this little boy.

What I need to do is capture those small moments, either in writing or in pictures. That’s where the meaning is. Those are the interesting moments. Those are the things I need to remember, when I feel, as I do now, that life is kind of passing me by. Yes..there are other things I need to do also, but the time I spend with my boy? That’s what brings a smile to my face.